I’M CLUMSY AT LIVING
Nuna, how was it that you came to marry a man so inept, and so came to suffer pain after pain?
Latte, how was it that you followed so wretched a man, and lost the smile that should so plainly have been yours?
With the passing of time, one ought to grow wise and capable, yet misfortune makes no sound—
perhaps it is my fate never to hear it coming.
Each thing I did, thinking I could do a little more, only added guilt to incompetence;
I tended and polished what I cherished, yet everywhere lie the things I broke.
For two months I gave you medicine, only to send your platelet count plunging; then, when I stopped it for two weeks,
the count rose sharply instead—what perverse thing had I been doing to you?
Terrified of the hospital, you turned your back on me and vanished like a comet. Forgive me, Nuna.
I did not see the deep wound in your tail until it had grown thick with clotted blood.
And what grotesque excuse is The Book of Disquiet supposed to be?
“It is noble to be shy, illustrious not to know how to act, great not to have a gift for living.”
As if those words could ever repay the suffering that was yours to bear, not mine.
